The Treasure of Isla de Muerta
by Smidgie
Summary: AU after Jack kills Barbossa in CoBP. Gold wasn't all the pirates hoarded in the Isla de Muerta...


I have no idea what scary type of drug I was on when I wrote this apart from a dozen cups of coffee. What? Oh, the disclaimer. clears throat I own nothing here except for the law obsessed marine, who is my friend. pets him on the head All things related to Pirates of the Caribbean belong to someone else, who is probably enjoying the fruits of said labours right now while I wear my fingers out typing.

Elizabeth stepped back up on deck first. The Commodore was there to help her up. She beamed at him. "Thank you, Commodore,"

Norrington peered at her. "Elizabeth, are you _drunk_?"

"Not at all, James, darling," Elizabeth smiled, hanging onto the rail for support. "I've only had one . . . or two… OK, a lot, but that is not what this is about. See, me'n'Jack'n'Will just beat up ol' Barbossa and his goons, and we found this keg of lovely rum, very nice rum, and we decided to celebrate. But only God knows how long the nice rum has been there, and with the lovely wine lovely Will found, it didn't go down to well."

"What're ye talkin' 'bout, Lizzie?" Jack demanded, staggering up onto the deck, clutching a large bottle of rum and reeking of said liquid. "The rum and the wine went down lovely together, di'n't they, Will?"

"Aye, Jack," Will agreed, trying and failing to get onto the deck (probably because of the sack of gold, gems and assorted trinkets he was hauling, along with a keg of wine and yet another bottle of rum). On the second try, two marines grabbed him under the arms and hauled him up, promptly passing out from the strain.

Jack gazed at Will through glazed eyes. "I was righ', matey," he grinned. "You are obsessed wiv treasure." He gulped down more rum.

"Tha's not true!" Will slurred. "I am not obsessed with treasure!"

"Whaddaya call that, then?" Jack asked.

"Insurance?" Will grinned. Several marines came and dragged the sack of gold away, much to Will's consternation.

"I think I'll relieve you of that, Mr. Turner," Norrington said, hastily grabbing the keg of fine wine away from Will. _I so need to get drunk after this experience. Either that or have many years of therapy…_

Governor Swann eyed the wine jealously. "No!" he stepped forward and pulled it away from Norrington. "N-n-n-no," he stuttered under the ray of Norrington's death glare. "As the governor of Port Royal, it is my right – no, my _duty_ – to confiscate contraband items that might cause discontent and/or disturbances among the population. And as the crew, you all come under my jurisdiction. Therefore, I must confiscate the wine."

"Under what law?" demanded an inconspicuous looking marine that plays no vital role in the film except to be shot and then miraculously resurrected for the purposes of this fan fiction.

"Uh…" Governor Swann desperately tried to come up with a reason why the law should exist and he should have the wine and get dead stinking drunk to celebrate his daughter's engagement to Commodore Norrington, who now looked like he wasn't going to let the governor live to see the day they married if he didn't let him have the wine. "The one I just created, under my right as a governor!"

"You can't do that!" the marine retorted. "According to the handbook of governors, _How To Govern An Island: For Dummies_, Section 87A, Subsection 24J, line 12, no governor may create a rule with written permission from his superiors, in this case the king of England. Therefore–"

"Shuddup, mate," Jack said. The marine obeyed, stunned. The other marines cheered and hoisted Jack onto their shoulders. Jack, clueless, grinned and brandished his rum in the air, waving like royalty, complete with crown and several dozen strings of beads. They paraded around the deck singing 'For he's a Jolly Good Fellow', trampling Norrington and Governor Swann and knocking the both of them unconscious. Elizabeth and Will, suddenly recognising their all-consuming passionate love for one another, took advantage of the confusion and snuck off to snog in a corner of the Commodore's cabin.

Meanwhile, Jack Sparrow, with his eloquence of speech and brilliant debating skills, had convinced the crew of the Dauntless to desert the Navy and become pirates. All except the law-obsessed marine agreed, and so he was unceremoniously thrown over the side. He swam to the Isla de Muerta and stood shaking his fist and babbling incoherently, eventually breaking down into heartbroken weeping. Barbossa, miraculously back from the dead, came and gave him an apple, and then vanished into a puff of smoke. The marine sobbed harder than ever.

Epilogue 

Will ended up marrying Elizabeth. Jack Sparrow attended their wedding, and even made a speech. The nature of the speech is questionable at best (especially the part where Jack insisted Will was a eunuch), but all agree that Port Royal would never forget the sight of Captain Jack Sparrow running naked down the main street at two in the morning clutching a bottle of the Governor's finest wine and singing 'Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me'. The marines on duty that night were too busy laughing to arrest him. Elizabeth Turner was heard to say that she wished she'd never taught him that song. Commodore Norrington overheard, and shoved her into the wedding cake, which resulted in Governor Swann's wig ending up on the church steeple, covered in pink icing and chocolate sauce. No one actually knew how it got there, but at least seven people (including Jack) took the credit for it.

And they all lived happily ever after…

Except for the law-obsessed marine, who lived _extremely_ happily off of the un-cursed treasure of the Isla de Muerta and worshiped the Aztec gods who eventually made him immortal without the drawbacks of the curse because they enjoyed having someone to play poker with. But that's another story.

Please review or send unclaimed property of a valuable or shiny nature or rotten tomatoes or something! Thanks!


End file.
